Jesus' Death

I quite enjoyed the first few pages of this.  But then it gets problematic.

If I am walking with Jesus -- and I think it's questionable -- then how vulnerable am I supposed to be?  Because I would like more security in my life.  I am aware that this life is short, but I would like it to be somewhat worry-free, and I feel that by making myself a little more secure it can be.

Jesus was vulnerable and he died.  Of course we all do, but I was hoping to postpone it awhile.

My Rohyngia friends in Myanma are vulnerable.  They are unarmed, unprotected, undocumented, and they are facing near certain death. To what extent do I have to walk among them?  (Only until December.)  I won't have to actually face that question of whether or not I would die with them.  But the question is definitely there. You know, this puts it there.

And what is this thing where Jesus gives up hope for a different outcome?  I don't know.  I'm a person of hope.  I'm always saying that.  "We live in hope," I always say.  I hoed I would catch my rat, and I did.  Hope... it's not all bad.

So I found this troubling.  I have not worked all that through.  I am not sure I want to be friends with Jesus if he's going to be like that. 

I remember when I was baptized.  I was just a little thing.  Someone told me that when I was baptized I'd get a new life.  This, of course, is a lie and it is bad theology too.  But that often does not stop people who think it's alright to take that kind of liberty with a child. 

Well, I was a very, very serious little Christian and I believed them.  You can imagine, then, how disappointing it was to go home to the same house, the same parents, and the same life.  What about my new life?  I cried myself to sleep that night and Jesus did not do anything to help me. 

That's kind of how I feel about this.  I got lured in with the Kingdom of God, justice rolling down, and all that...  and now I find out that I have to build the damn thing and God may not even help.  Jesus is helpless.  There's just me and a few other hopers and prayers... Honestly, it does seem like a raw deal.