2008/11/05

I'm Mad At My Brother

My brother called me a fat lesbian on Sunday night. And, since it's true, I am not sure I should be all that offended. But, it was unexpected and it hurt me. Hurt my feelings. I didn't let him see me cry though. He shouldn't say stuff like that to me. Probably someone else could have gotten away with it. I might even have laughed if someone else had said it. But, sometimes I think that's all my brother knows about me. There is more to me than that, isn't there? I don't know... maybe that's all I am, just a big fat dopy lesbian. That's how I'm feeling.

I might read over my resume later. That always cheers me up. I may be an underachiever in my personal life, but get me to the office and see me shine.

I have an old prescription of Paxil which I stopped taking because of the fatigue. But, now I'm just giving myself a half dose to see if it will cheer me up a little and not tire me out so. I hate being tired. On the plus side, my insomnia is cured.

I feel badly about the Prop 8 thing. But, it doesn't really affect me. I feel badly for others, for their effort, and for how it must feel for them. We are all diminished by something like that. But, for me, it's all the same here in Texas. We don't have to worry about setbacks since there's never been any forward movement.

It's the thing with my brother that has me in such a funk. I think that most people around here... that's all they know about me. Oh, to be sure, they like me anyway. Love the sinner and all that. I am not feeling very good about things tonight.

Not good at all.

20 comments:

ROBERTA said...

why is it that the people we are the closest to are the ones who hurt us the most?

Presbyterian Gal said...

I am sorry you are in a funk. Would snotty jokes cheer you up? I'll try to think of some.

I voted NO on 8. The votes aren't all counted yet, but the "officials" still called it. I hear Gloria Allred will be helping to overturn this. That cheered me up.

sharecropper said...

As in Texas, so with NC, but the disappointment runs deep - also the rejection.

Sending you hugs.

Marianne said...

Friends are God's way of apologizing for family.

You still got me (and E.)

Oh, and don't forget Mollie thinks you're the bomb too. Anyone who rescues dogs, takes joy in the simplicity of nature and a good stick, and collects rocks & sand from their travels in jars.

Lesbian or not, you're okay in our book.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

What in heaven's name did he hope to do with that comment?!

I'd a thousand times rather be a fat lesbian than a mean-spirited asshole (pardon my language). And you can tell him that your Invisible Friend said so.

Pax,
Doxy

Jan said...

You're so right about nothing in TX so we can't go backwards. . . .sad, sad, sad. I am disappointed about the initiatives in CA and Ark. but I know things will change. I just wish it would be sooner than it is.

Jan said...

If I had a brother, I would not want him to say such a thing. Sorry.

FranIAm said...

Oh Lindy- what could he hope to do other than hurt you with his words?

Humans, we are all crazy.

I hope that you are doing better and please know that Fran, Erica, Gracie and BooBoo all send you a lot of love!

MadPriest said...

My advice (after checking with Rowan, who was unusually cross about the matter) is - Smack the scrawny, sexually repressed toe-rag in his malicious, little gob! And, after doing that, as you are a good, Christian, fat lesbian, you must forgive him.

Glenna the Border Collie said...

If you want a lap to lie on, find yourself a big one.

Lindy said...

Thanks everyone. I'm not mad at my brother anymore. He is who he is, a McMillan Man. Bless his heart, he has quite a lot to overcome on that. In fact, we are both exceeding the expectations of our high school guidance counselors.

He is still angry about the election. Anger and sulking are his default modes. If that's nature or nurture, I don't know. But, he comes to it honestly. I hope that in a few days we can have a nice short talk. If I handle every single thing exactly right and don't screw up at all, it should go well and we'll all be friends again. fortunately, I am good at this sort of thing. I come to it the same way my brother comes to his default modes.

Thanks Roberta. I'm glad you are stopping by.

Presbyterian gal, I too was happy to see our gal Gloria is at the forefront of the prop eight thing.

Yes, ShareCropper, rejection has returned as a big issue for me... just when you think you're over it.

MaryAnn, you, E., and M. are lifelines. But, it's Rowan who enjoys a good stick chew. I just throw them.

Doxy, I think the mean spirited little asshole was trying to make the point that Republicans, being thinner and straighter, are more fit to govern. I don't want to understand that kind of logic.

Well, Jan, you're from Texas so you know what sort of man I'm dealing with. Big truck, big talking, big ego, very insecure. Plus, the Texans are not having a good season and that doesn't help.

Thanks for the love Fran, that's what I really wanted. My brother does the best he can. I really believe that. But, hopefully, he will start doing better.

Yes, MP. that's pretty much how it went... except for the smacking part.

Thanks for your observation Glenna, and my lap is your lap you sweet dog.

We all do the best we can. Even I have some less than flattering character traits. Shocking, isn't it?

So, forgive my brother as I have. forgive me too. And forgive everyone else. It's the only way we're going to get through this thing...

Love to all,

Lindy

Buster's Mom said...

You can pick your friends and nose, but not your family. I sorry that was said. Hope your doing okay.......
If ya make to San Angelo during the holidays, give me a call..take care Wilma

Anonymous said...

I expect gas will go up again now that the election is over and Exxon-Mobil don't need to try to make believe they're our friends anymore. Then your brother will find himself spending all of his disposable income keeping the big truck on the road, and might not feel quite so superior!

--Metella

Barbi Click said...

Hey Lindy, just read your comment(s). I have a sister like your brother but she doesn't pick on me...she picks on my daughter instead. (she is my little sister and knows I can beat her up.) LOL
Maybe she is worse though -- she would never say those things to my face -- only in her heart. I am sad for her.

We should not have to "do everything right" to keep them happy. It isn't about us (you and me and all other people who have weird family members) -- It is all about them and the things they need to change. They are not happy people. They are sad...sad...sad...

Just call me next time you are mad at him...I will be mad at him too! :-) Until you say not to be anymore.
Love
Barbi

Lindy said...

Thanks for stopping by Wilma. I think of you often. Will not be in San Angelo. Can't think of any possible reason to go there.

I don't really mind my brother feeling a little superior. In his heart, he's a good guy.

Thank you Barbi. You've always got my back don't you?

It is now time to stop being mad at my brother. -- Not that I don't appreciate your righteous indignation on my behalf. I do. -- But, the brother is a better man than I portrayed him. He is gentle with old people, kind to animals, and a generous and loyal friend. He is smart, smarter than me. And he thoughtfully responds the the world as it's presented to him. Unfortunately, it's been a pretty small world. Bless his heart, he never asked for a liberal, lesbian, rabidly Christian sister. It's a lot for a small town boy to process. So, if you give it a second thought, let your thinking be accompanied by a prayer for old Rusty that he will continue on whatever path God has for him and that he will become so secure in God's love for him that he can afford to spend a little of it on loving others. In fact, we might just pray that for one another once in awhile.

Ann said...

Okay I will try to think positively about your brother - in our family we can complain about our siblngs etc but no one else can - we close ranks!! But I don't believe for a second that he smarter than you -- no way!!
btw - I fed the fish

Diane said...

((((Lindy))))
Facebook has had the dubious "plesure" of putting me in touch with some extremely right-wing fundamentalist, homophobic, relatives I hardly ever have any contact with.

Did I mention Obama hating too? And librul democrat hating. they live in Texas.

We get along ok because I never see them.

But now my uncle has been putting up these "rants" on his facebook account.

your brother is wrong. but I know he is doing his best.

Wormwood's Doxy said...

With all due respect to both Lindy and Diane....Brother is NOT "doing his best." There is simply no reason in this world to call someone names--especially not someone you are supposed to love. It's mean and it should not be excused.

Forgiven, yes. Excused, no.

I hope you called him on it, Lindy. Because no matter what kind of "good heart" he has, he hurt you on purpose. And he shouldn't get by with that scot-free.

Just my .02...

Pax,
Doxy

Lindy said...

Everyone does their best. I do believe that. As for Rusty, I believe he can probably improve,and I believe that he will. We've had a talk about that. As for not getting off scot-free, his wife took care of the punishment more effectively than I could have. Having confronted and forgiven my job is to believe the best and encourage change.

Thanks for feeding the fish Ann. They were starting to complain.

I have the same type of relatives Diane. In fact there was a neighbor over here just last night complaining about that there were too many blacks in the movie The Secret Life of Bees (which I recommend, btw!) The little, and mostly hidden, racism that just niggles away at decency is what gets me. Of curse, she'll never say those kinds of things in front of me again. I took care of that. But, she will continue to believe. She will just self-censor. Makes me wonder what she really thinks about us queers. Of course she loves me and everything... I'm not like the others, those out in the street. I'm so decent and so much fun, and she's known me most of my life. Oh yes, I'm a good homo,know my place and everything. I'm going to Houston for the demonstration against Prop 8 tomorrow... How's that for knowing my place?

Wormwood's Doxy said...

Everyone does their best. I do believe that.

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on that one, Lindy. *I* certainly don't always do my best---but then maybe I'm unique. ;-)

I'm glad to know your SIL had your back. At least your brother had the good sense to marry a smart woman.

As for your neighbor...well, even if you don't change her mind, teaching her to self-censor isn't a bad thing. That's how change starts.

I read a blog recently about a young man who was constantly called "nigger-lover"--never by his real name--by the father of one of his best friends. Apparently the man thought this was a very funny and affectionate way of referring to this young man who wasn't prejudiced.

The young man moved away from home and it was several years before he returned. Then one day, he was in the grocery store and ran into his friend's father---who was pushing his mixed-race grandson in the grocery cart. He called out to the young man, "Hi, Todd!"

You never know what will end up changing people's hearts...

Pax,
Doxy